The Effect of Night Shift Duty on an Insomniac

Sunny weather
Day 170
Dear No one,

I realized as the shift was coming to a close what little experience I have to share.

At 9:50 something, just minutes before the night shift started, a middle aged woman was wheeled into the ER with a through-and-through gunshot to the head in the parietooccipital area. Her family and friends were nearby as the doctor and nurses rushed to save her life. Mah and I took turns ambubagging, which wasn't easy. I have officially decided to have newfound recognition to those who do it on a daily basis. The male nurses took turns manually pumping the chest as she was going on bradycardia, and it was only too upsetting to see them do it so poorly. The doctor slowly explained to the SOs that the patient was brain-dead. I can't imagine how hard it is to tell anyone their beloved can no longer breathe and would have died if technology didn't exist to sustain ventilation. The husband was asked to decide if he wished to keep his wife on Dopa¹ or to detach all means to sustain her life and allow death to take its natural course. He decided on the latter.

On more than two occasions, Mah and I went out of the area to 1) grab our purses from the student nurses' locker room because we forgot to bring them with us and 2) to find Mah's blue Arrow jacket (I need not explain occasions 3, 4, etc).

The locker room is on the 3rd floor and we were assigned on the 1st, so we'd have to take the lift to get there and back. At one particular time on our way back in the elevator.. well, it started out fine, see. The door closed as it should, we pressed 1 on the numpad, and the thing whirred as it moved. The doors opened and we expected to be on the 1st floor by then- and it wasn't. We were still on the 3rd floor! Mah and I simply laughed it off.

Around 2-ish am, Mah and I were on Bed 9, talking and deciding on the best time to sleep. Suddenly, we heard a light crash- that of a falling object. It sounded like it came from either abaft the room or outside. We exchanged looks and Mah asked me if I believed in the well, paranormal. We started talking about that when just then, we heard funny noises again. I swear it sounded like noises an old woman would make when being suctioned for secretions. It was almost funny. "Did you hear that??" I asked Mah in a low voice. She said she did.

Minutes later, a great flash of yellow light splashed on the white-washed windows from the outside. I will never live this down: I held on to Mah's jacket on reflex.

We never really knew what happened, BTW. Let's keep guessing.

On a lighter note, I have finished making this new song. Blame ICU redundancies for the cathartic writing. It's not like you can hear it anyway.

If
-MEki

I remember the face
every detail, every inch of it
I remember the voice
and every word said
my eyes well up, just thinking

To hold your hands in mine
Our fingers intertwined

If I could fall in love with any guy
I'd wish for him to be you
You know it's true, no one else would do
If I could be just anywhere right now
I'd wish to be next to you
Tell me, does this all make sense to you?

If you were mine,
we could be so much more than what we are right now
If you could read my mind
I have been waiting all this time

The cold against my cheek
the loneliness I feel when I'm alone
The face of an angel
when I look at you
I know our worlds collide

To hear you call my name
My kind of fairy tale

¹Dopamine can be supplied as a medication that acts on the sympathetic nervous system, producing effects such as increased heart rate and blood pressure. -Wiki

About Last Night

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

12:12 PM 1 comments

Day 157
Dear No one,

Wincing, I blinked a few times, adjusting my eyes in the darkness. It wasn't even past 0130am yet but already, I felt wide awake as ever.

I still couldn't speak. Not that I was even trying. But the thing I felt was dislodged at the back of my throat hurt so bad that I was afraid to even open my mouth because I was convinced it would go even further down, which was ironically weird after Ms. I. was just talking about cricoids and larynxes in review class earlier.

My heart was pounding fast, like it was going to explode any minute or something. I struggled to find a better sleeping position, which was hard because I felt every aching bone in my body as I moved and the heat coming off it was too overwhelming.

No, no. No. This, I postulated, was the peak of the fever I feared coming.

I've always prided in myself for being resistant to weather changes, or not catching a cold after getting rained on - and even when people around me are crazy sick. I always mused at the fact that at one time last year, I started showing signs of an impending dengue fever and I wasn't even aware of what it was starting to look as because of the flurry of activities we had that year. Anyway, to cut the story short, one day all the signs disappeared- just like that. The doctor called me lucky.

I winced again. I've always had a high tolerance to pain, but even this was a hard feat. And well, I'm overly dramatic like that.

I moved around some more. This would go on until about five past two, when I started feeling better. No kidding! What hurt so much just minutes ago started evaporating- and fast. My head still ached a tad bit, and I was still nauseated. But for the most part, things cleared up.

Since it was hopeless trying to get back to sleep anyway, I went downstairs to the kitchen, notebook in hand and all.

The place smelled a faint garlic- to my horror. I went inside the bathroom nearby and sat on the toilet seat, collecting my thoughts. I think the toilet seat has always been my Blue's Clues Thinking Chair. I'd stay too long in the bathroom just sitting there, with my chin resting on my palms, thinking. Minutes went by and I was starting to feel my elbows digging deep into the flesh of my knees, but my mind wandered off to the series of events that day that I didn't care so much about how it was starting to sting.

It started out uneventful. I woke up late, which wasn't unusual on days when I didn't have classes. I patiently watched the seconds, minutes, and hour go by. Then I got up, showered, and made my way into the laundry room. It's become some sort of a makeshift internet room since the WiFi connection was excellent there.

I downloaded and read a Twilight ebook, the first of its saga. Loser, I know.
I never got around reading it the first time it got out in '05. I was having a hard time reading, thanks to the iPod Notes version I accidentally downloaded.

I got to school for review class late that afternoon. To my pleasant surprise, the CI came in even more late than I was. I was a bit sad though, after finding out Kenny and Cuzzin Karl weren't in their usual seats (the class, in general, had already gone out to cut class). I was even more sad because we'd already made plans to go on a food trip. And the chances of that happening seemed bleak.
After a round of phone calls, however, Cuzzin decided to join us. We picked him up at Doctor's Choice after class and headed off to Handuraw's. It's so cool there. The ambiance is a mix feel of country and Mexican and the pizzas, great.

A few minutes after our last seconds of pizza, Ninny whipped out this cake from behind.
"Happy birthday." He said. He looked ridiculously serious.

"Right." I sneered. I knew he was making fun of me again, especially since just last Saturday, he and Cuzzin had been tirelessly snatching up my ID to see when my birthday was. These two are impossible.

"You didn't see it coming?" Cuzzin asked.

"It's not my birthday." I emphasized on every syllable as if I was talking to someone mentally handicapped.

"That's why ngayon nalang so you wouldn't see it coming." Ninny said casually.

I blinked. I looked at their expressions, were they expecting me to act surprised or happy or- cry?

"Uhm, I don't know what to say." I whispered. It was true. I didn't know how to react. My birthday isn't in two weeks!

Ninny told me to start slicing the cake as he took pictures. Then we helped ourselves to the sugary sweet as Ninny started to recount the past birthday surprises he's done for people he was close to.

I wanted to engage in the conversation they were having, but my throat started to hurt real bad. Cuzzin had already offered to finish my second slice of cake. And then I just dozed off. I was starting to feel really sick, and I just wanted to rest so bad.

Ninny and the gang dropped me off at the apartment. I waved my goodbyes and said my thanks.

As I got in, I couldn't help but feel guilty. I could've put on a more happy mood for these guys who made an extremely early surprise for me. They even stopped at a gas station to pick up some lozenges for me.

I felt really tired and sick to the pit of my stomach. I didn't even bother to wash up. And that was that.

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