If one day you wake up and decide not to go to work because of your sunburnt skin and it's okay because your father is the chief boss, then dude, you're one lucky kid.
And no, I wasn't referring to myself.
So I've just been handed this impressive resume as a guide to help build mine. It would've been easier if my work experience was anywhere close to the staggering weight that is the list in this guide (Note: mine is like, zilch). Seriously, I have never felt so irrelevant and small. The HR people at any given company I'd apply to would make my resume the Kleenex of all bathroom towels.
Why didn't anyone tell five-years-ago me how important building resumes were? All those years hogging up the TV, watching the Hallmark channel and eventually- albeit inadvertently- adopting a muddled up accent, a cross somewhere between down under and British!
I would have had a heck of a better time working hard on making straight As in school and doing volunteer work! But noo, five-years-ago me was carefree and bovine.
Here's a typical Saturday for the five-years-ago sloth that was me and let me assure you, it's the typical Saturday for the five-years-ago sloth that was, well, me.
6am: Ama waking me up. "Feed the fish! Open the windows! Take a bath! Eat breakfast!"
Now these may all sound very easy. *Ehem* Not exactly.
First of all, feeding the fish would mean feeding the fishes in 1. the tank in the living room, 2. the big, elaborately sprawled tank out front right before the balcony, and 3. the big cement tanks out back. That means carrying my poor feet in and around the house that would take an estimated 30 minutes of my precious reserved-for-idling-around time.
Second, opening the windows would mean opening all five-foot high jealousy windows lining the walls of 2 living rooms and one kitchen. I counted, and that's around 31 (approximately) of those said windows, my friend! Oh, it's a workout alright!
Then there's the seemingly innocent daily ritual of taking a bath. It would've been okay, unless you're stuck using the bathroom downstairs because the one in your room has the plumbing problems!
And finally, eating breakfast. The most important meal of the day. Uhm, who cooks breakfast at 4 in the freaking morning? So you end up with what seems like food to the human eye, and just short of soggy and bland.
So what do I do?
Step 1: acknowledge Ama waking me up and casually move behind up a notch as if to say, "I'm up, Ama. You can leave now." And she does.
Step 2: Bring behind back to earth and roll over to other side. Slide one pillow over the head to feign darkness. Pull covers back up. Sleep again but making mental note to wake up 20 minutes later. Right.
8am: By now I'm [almost] alone in the house, save for the help and Ama. But they're busy witht their own daily routines. I plop down in front of the TV, two feet away max, grab the remote, and flip to the Hallmark channel.
12nn: lunch, duh.
1pm: TV.
230pm: shoot hoops in the front yard. (Snowball the Jap Spitz's barking in the background)
3pm: skating around in the front yard. And no, I don't do kickturns, flips, nor stands.
330pm-10pm with dinner break: TV. May spend 30 minutes max on the keyboard sometime after dinner.
10pm: bedtime!